Excuses

I could say that the reason you have not heard from me in some time is because having twins takes up all my time and until such time as some person somewhere shoves some more time into the day then I will probably never have much time to write.

However, the truth is that that is not strictly the truth.

I had discovered that between the hours of 9.30pm when the rest of the house had begun to snore (including the babies) and 11.00pm when the babies had what we in 'baby advice book' world call the 'dream feed,' there was a free hour and a half of perfect 'must write blog' time.

And it was motoring along quite nicely and regularly until, I discovered 'The Wire."

This box set of five seasons of utterly incomprehensible yet addictive adventures of cops and robbers in Baltimore, USA has taken over my life. I now know that I am using the fact that the babies have to eat as an excuse to watch two episodes a night. I take the babies out of their bed (a complete no-no when it comes to dream feed advocates) and we plonk ourselves on the couch, me, babies, bottles, bibs, those muslin clothes to catch the puke, a cup of tea and whoever else is doing the feed with me. We press ‘PLAY,’ sit back, shove respective bottles in respective mouths and as the theme music begins, all the day’s tension simply flows away.

We have come to ignore the fact that after fifteen minutes the babies have finished their grub and are ready for bed. We throw them over our shoulders and gently pat their backs in a vague effort to get a burp. Sometimes it comes and sometimes it doesn’t. We never know because we are far too busy being seduced by sexy cops with sexier drawls or hooded criminals hauling shed loads of class ‘A’ drugs from one ‘crib’ to another. The language is so profoundly foul that we have accepted that the babies first words are likely to be ‘c*ck sucking mother f*cker’ and not the standard “Dada.” I figure it’s a small price to pay.

The other reason why I may now find myself with a little more time to write is because the new Au Pair has arrived. It’s her first time being an Au Pair and it’s our first time having one so it’s early days.

One word of advice though and you don’t have to be a parent of multiples to listen up.

Do not sit on your couch clutching your baby (or in my case babies) in front of the new Au Pair within hours of her arrival, balling your eyes out at ‘Wife Swap USA’ on the TV. This sort of behaviour does not give a good impression and she will realise way too early in her tenure that you are stone mad.